For Wes and Ashley, On the Occasion of your Marriage

Grandma and Grandpa Vawser have been married for fifty-seven years.  That's a long time, by anyone's standards.  Bill and I have been married for more than thirty-six years, also quite a long time.  The years have passed by quickly.  It seems like just a short while ago that we recited wedding vows much like these:  "I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

We were young and idealistic when we were first married, younger than you are now.   As we recited those vows, we didn't really expect to have hard times that might shake our marriage.  But everyone faces hard times throughout their lives, as you know too well.  Life isn't always easy.  Circumstances change, and people change, too.  For a marriage to survive, you must both enter into it with the determination that divorce is not an option, and that nothing will cause you to leave each other.  W. Somerset Maugham said, We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.  I don't think that you can leave it to chance.  You must determine, from the very beginning, that you will continue to love each other no matter what, even if circumstances or people change.

These days, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. I want your marriage to beat those odds!  I think that more people would stay married if they really meant the words they said to each other on their wedding day.  Perhaps words like these should be repeated to each other often throughout your lives together:  "I want you to be my husband/wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.  I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.  I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

I was surprised to see that Sylvester Stallone was credited with this quote:  I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty.  People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades.  You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them.  And that's love, even if it doesn't seem very exciting.  He's right!  Loyalty is a strong component of any loving relationship.  When the first excitement of your relationship fades into the cares of everyday life, loyalty must remain, or your marriage is doomed.  As the years go by, your love will change, too.  It may not seem as exciting as it once was, but your growing love for each other will become stronger and deeper as you weather life's storms together.  Wes, I know that loyalty has always been one of your strongest personality traits.  Ashley, it is obvious that you value loyalty, too, because you stuck by Wes, supporting him during the toughest of times.  If you are both determined to remain loyal to each other, your marriage has a good chance of lasting a lifetime.                                                                     

Throughout your life together, you will have to work hard to build each other up; you must train yourselves to encourage rather than discourage, to support rather than sabotage.  When you first fell in love, you may have thought that your future mate was perfect.  But no one is perfect.  I like the words included in this wedding vow because they promise life-long love and real help even in the face of each others' weaknesses:  "I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live.  I take you with all your faults and your strengths as I offer myself to you with my faults and strengths.  I will help you when you need help, and I will turn to you when I need help.  I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life."

Just as no two people are the same, no two marriages are exactly alike.  I don't claim to know all there is to know about successful marriage.  I can only tell you what has worked for us in our marriage.  From the very beginning, Bill and I chose to base our marriage on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, which states:  Love is patient.  Love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  I can't hope to love my husband perfectly, even though I want to.  Love never fails, but people do.  Bill and I have failed countless times.  But when we fail to love each other perfectly, we forgive each other and start all over again, striving to love each other more and better.  We have learned that we can't do it by ourselves, so for much of our marriage, we have lived by these words from Proverbs 3: 5-6:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your steps.  Even with God's help, life can be very hard at times.  But without Him, hard things become impossible.  God has never promised that life would be easy, but He does promise that He will never leave us or forsake us.  My prayer for you is that you will seek God with all your hearts, and learn to trust Him throughout your life together. 

And thirty-six years from now, or even fifty-seven years in the future, I hope that you can still say, in the words of this wedding vow:  "I (still) take you to be my beloved wife/husband, to have and to hold you, to honor you, to treasure you, to be at your side in sorrow and in joy, in the good times, and in the bad, and to love and cherish you always. I promise you this from my heart, for all the days of my life."