Little Old Lady Blues
It happened again, at the airport this time. I observed someone who was greeting an older woman, giving her a big hug, and announcing, "You look so good!" I didn't hear the woman's reply, but she appeared to answer graciously.
Bill commented later that some of his business acquaintances have been greeting him the same way, which makes him feel just a little uncomfortable. He lost a lot of weight a few years ago, and is clearly in good physical shape from his early morning workouts, but he doesn't necessarily want people telling him he looks good. It has been said that "beauty is only skin deep;" I have found that most mature people prefer to be recognized for who they are, rather than what they look like.
There is a time and place for everything, of course. It is certainly okay to compliment someone on their weight loss, if you know they have recently been working hard to achieve that goal. And, if a close friend or relative has just successfully completed an arduous cancer treatment, it's wonderful to be able to rejoice with them. However, you might need to be cautious about greeting a long lost friend with the words "you look so good" when it's fairly obvious you're thinking "you're looking good for someone of your noticeably advanced age," or even, "I thought you died a long time ago!"
Instead, I think it is usually better to say something like "It's so good to see you! What are you up to these days?" or, if you know your friend has recently recovered from an illness or hospitalization, you can say "I'm so glad you are feeling better." If someone has obviously lost weight, try commenting something like "You look like you've been working hard to stay healthy."
On the other hand, it's really not acceptable to compliment a cancer patient on their weight loss. Instead, it's more reasonable to say, "I've been thinking of you lately, and praying for you," or, "I'm so sorry you've been going through a hard time."
A person's looks, no matter their health status or age, have very little to do with what's happening inside, where it counts. Even a person who looks like death warmed over might still feel like a teenager inside. Age is just a number, after all. We can reflect on the words God said to Samuel, in 1 Samuel 16:7-8: “Do not consider his appearance or his height...People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Shouldn't we at least try to do the same?
So someday, twenty or thirty years from now, when I am officially a little old lady, I will do my best to greet you cordially, but truthfully, even if you slip up and tell me how good I look. Hopefully, I will still be lucid enough to know just what you are thinking.
Bill commented later that some of his business acquaintances have been greeting him the same way, which makes him feel just a little uncomfortable. He lost a lot of weight a few years ago, and is clearly in good physical shape from his early morning workouts, but he doesn't necessarily want people telling him he looks good. It has been said that "beauty is only skin deep;" I have found that most mature people prefer to be recognized for who they are, rather than what they look like.
There is a time and place for everything, of course. It is certainly okay to compliment someone on their weight loss, if you know they have recently been working hard to achieve that goal. And, if a close friend or relative has just successfully completed an arduous cancer treatment, it's wonderful to be able to rejoice with them. However, you might need to be cautious about greeting a long lost friend with the words "you look so good" when it's fairly obvious you're thinking "you're looking good for someone of your noticeably advanced age," or even, "I thought you died a long time ago!"
Instead, I think it is usually better to say something like "It's so good to see you! What are you up to these days?" or, if you know your friend has recently recovered from an illness or hospitalization, you can say "I'm so glad you are feeling better." If someone has obviously lost weight, try commenting something like "You look like you've been working hard to stay healthy."
On the other hand, it's really not acceptable to compliment a cancer patient on their weight loss. Instead, it's more reasonable to say, "I've been thinking of you lately, and praying for you," or, "I'm so sorry you've been going through a hard time."
A person's looks, no matter their health status or age, have very little to do with what's happening inside, where it counts. Even a person who looks like death warmed over might still feel like a teenager inside. Age is just a number, after all. We can reflect on the words God said to Samuel, in 1 Samuel 16:7-8: “Do not consider his appearance or his height...People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Shouldn't we at least try to do the same?
So someday, twenty or thirty years from now, when I am officially a little old lady, I will do my best to greet you cordially, but truthfully, even if you slip up and tell me how good I look. Hopefully, I will still be lucid enough to know just what you are thinking.
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