Living with RAD

Levi has been having a hard time lately.  And, when Levi has a hard time, so do I.  So does Bill.  So does nearly every authority figure Levi meets.  Reactive Attachment Disorder is the culprit.

I'm ready for this current phase to be gone.

Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder have a hard time trusting adults because, at some point in their infancy or early childhood, the adults in their lives failed to give them the essential care they needed.   Because they failed to form and maintain strong attachments to their earliest caregivers, children with Reactive Attachment Disorder have a hard time maintaining strong relationships with any adults.  RAD is quite common among children who have been in foster care, or who have been adopted any time past early infancy. 

So, children with RAD tend to take charge of every situation.  They are bossy.  They take food without permission and hide it in strange places, just in case the adults in their lives fail to provide the food they want or need.  They defiantly refuse to do what any adult tells them to do, or they merely appear to comply, while secretly doing things their own way.  If they feel cornered by another child, they strike out to defend themselves, believing that no adult will step in to help.  They talk back and argue about everything, just because they need to be right, and because they are compelled to have the last word.  They lie and steal.  They speak and act without respect for anyone in authority.  Because they fear abandonment, they push away the ones who love them most.

Levi's current episode has lasted too long.  We are still suffering from the backlash of my extended illness in January, and my out-of-town surgery in March, when Bill and I both had to be gone for five days.  Subconsciously, Levi worried that he might be losing yet another mother.  Even though Erin was here to provide excellent care and attention when Bill and I were gone, Levi must have felt abandoned all over again. 

We will get through this RAD outbreak.  I keep reminding myself that last summer was a wonderful time with Levi.  Once Bill and I prove, again, that we can be trusted to be here for Levi, to provide for his needs, his RAD symptoms will fade away until the next crisis erupts.  Today, we were given a glimmer of hope, because Levi completed his chores appropriately, without backtalk.  It was actually a pleasant day!  Perhaps the end is in sight.  In the meantime, we will take it one day at a time, thankful for friends who pray for us.

Sometimes, we wonder why God ever placed Levi in our family.  He has not been an easy child to raise.  Yet, we have to trust that God knows what he is doing, and that he is ultimately in charge of this situation with Levi.  I have come to realize that God often gives people more than they can handle on their own, just so they will learn to rely on him for the things they need.

In so many ways, we human beings treat God just as Levi tends to treat those in authority.

We grab onto the material things in life, accumulating more and more stuff, feeling secure when we have an excess of personal possessions.  If we have lots of stuff, do we really need God?

We defiantly disobey God's commandments, or perhaps we are sneaky about our sin, driving a couple of miles over the speed limit, or taking home a few office supplies from work.  Surely, we can take care of ourselves, even if we lash out at those we love or yell at a stranger who cuts us off in traffic.

And, how often do we ignore God, or complain because he hasn't given us everything we want?  Do we blame him for everything that goes wrong, instead of accepting responsibility for our own sinful actions?  Are we afraid that he will abandon us when we need him most?

Sometimes, Bill and I are tempted to give up on Levi, but we won't.  Even during the hardest times, when he is defiant and disrespectful, we still care about him.  Because we love him, we will keep on doing the best we can to raise him to adulthood.

I am so glad that God didn't give up on his people.  He could have.  Throughout history, people have turned away from God.  We have broken all of his commandments, over and over again.  We have behaved willfully, defiantly doing things our own way.  Many times, we have treated God with a distinct lack of respect.  But God decided, long ago, to stay with us, and to provide a way for us to stay with him.  Because he loves us all so much, he sent Jesus to pay the penalty for our rebellion so we can be with him forever.  We can be confident that God will never abandon us.  When we reach out to him, he is always there.  He is worthy of our trust. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified... for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deuteronomy 31: 6